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RE: Now my kids have gone the other way!

CoachBobby — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 05:20:05 GMT

Davey

I am just amazed that 7 and 8 year old kids could act that way. Even on the worst teams I have played, nothing even remotely like that has occured. Given what you have told me, I would do a few things:

1. File a report on the referee for letting the game get out of control.
2. Tell your girls/boys that the game they played was an exception to the rule. Let them know that some other teams (when they are being outplayed) resort to violence. This should make them understand that you are the better team and that what those guys were playing was Ultimate Fighting and not soccer.

3. The MOST important thing you need to do it this: The next time a situation like this even APPEARS like it is going to occur, call the ref over to stop the game and ask for a commissioner/board member to watch the remainder of the game. You can also get a "neutral" ref to watch as well.

If none of these options are available, you need to pull your team from the field. You first priority as a coach is to the safety of your children. Even if you get in trouble for doing it, you will have a very good reason and will feel good about yourself at the end of the day for doing the right thing. Your parents should know your future intentions as well, so that they can feel comfortable encouraging their kids to get back on the field.

RE: Now my kids have gone the other way!

davey18 — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 06:03:25 GMT

HOLD IT FOR A SEC! Yes Coachbobby this is all rec soccer. Like I've mentioned this is a U7 U8 combined Coed team. Just to defend myself and my kids not that I agree in any which way with their actions of which I and my coaching assistants were appallled and embarrassed but I feel the need.

For this entire season I've burned sportsmanship into their heads. Myself and my assistants praise our kids on the field as well as the other team. All too often when my kids in the past accidently knocked a player over they've stopped what they were doing often letting the ball go to help the other player up. Kicking the ball out of bounds when a player gets hurt either side and clapping when a player gets up from an injury either side. Taking a loss with a smile and pride in a well played game. We were known as the the team with the loud coaches that had kids that played good soccer and were great sportsmen. These were my kids until now two games ago when the incident happened. Which I will describe.

Prior to the game I had received warning from other coaches that the team we were going to play was very dirty and their coach was praising highly aggressive behavoir. I had all earrings removed not taped as is acceptable by league policy. I also told my kids not to return the wicked behavoir and told them in no un certain terms that retaliation would not be accepted. In turn during that game I watched helplessly as one of my kids had their heads bounced off steel post from a push when they didn't have the ball. No Call. A Flying cross body that would have made any pro wrestler proud. Countless elbows that cut my kids open. No Call. A punch to the face of my daughter after she performed footwork on one of the two that made him look so silly that his reaction was to sprint back stand in front of her and drop her. (On the street I would have gone to prison. On the Pitch as a coach I had to endure) I roared at the opposing coach to control his two monsters where he just gave me a smirk which again on the street I would have gone to prison. (In these situations being a soccer coach SUCKS! because now I'm fighting to control my emotions and those of my parents!) Second Half these behavoiurs continue when 5 minutes in my prize striker turns her back to make a pass back to the midfielder where one of the monsters walks up looked directly at the back of her leg and delivers a blow that snaps her leg. NO CALL! After making sure she was well bundled up and on her way to hospital. The game continued in the same fashion! Now my kids are too intimidated to go near the ball and what was once an even game now has turned into a rout! At NO point in the game did my kids retaliate except my daughter who after recieving a few elbows got into one of their faces and stated that she would kick the living S*** out of him if he continued. ( In one moment I was proud of her for standing her ground and in the same instant disappointed for her language which I know shes heard from me!)When the final whistle was blown the opposing coach praised his kids for being so aggressive. With extreme control ( and helpful words from my assistants.) I walked my kids onto the field to shake hands. I would not even touch his hand but told him that his time as coach and his two twin sons season were over. Long after the kids left the field and no where in sight he came to me and said that aggression should be praised trying to plead his case. I explained very calmly that there is a difference between aggression and what was displayed on the field by his players. ( Honestly I wanted to drag his business suit butt into the parking lot and meet ex combat vets foot.) Instead as I swore his season and his twin sons seasons are over after a very bitter dispute with the league conveynor. Fortunately many parents from his team are pleased as their kids are no longer being abused and feeling embarrassed by his and his sons behaviour.

During practice prior to the last game. I praised them for their ability to ignore the onslaught they faced. And in fairness they looked like a hockey team, black eyes, missing teeth and stiches. In the last game it was now my kids that looked like the animals and now I'm extremely embarrassed. I can understand their frustration but I want to get them back to being the good kids that they were. Thats all. I dont need codes of conduct read off to me or critisisms of my coaching style. I just want my kids back to being the kids that enjoyed playing hard and loved playing the style of soccer we played. I've lost two kids due to the brutality of the one game their parent have pulled them for the season. One to a broken leg. And now two due to stupidity on their own part. I'm at the absolute minimum players possible and would like suggestions as to how to approach it when my two dummies return. Hopefully they will get the mesage from their suspension if not. Now what? I need some serious help here.

RE: Now my kids have gone the other way!

CoachBobby — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:22:34 GMT

Is this the U8 team Davey? Is this rec as well?

I can tell you this. I would NEVER allow any of my players to conducted themselves in the manner that you say a few of them have. This seems to go way beyond what you have been teaching and seems to be a parent issue. They are just as responsible, if not more so, in keeping their children in line.

You need to have a big talk with the parents and let them know that you will NOT tolerate this behavior under any circumstances.

I would also make it as unpleasant as possible for those kids who are taking things to the extreme. I would run their asses off each practice until they puked.

RE: Now my kids have gone the other way!

steven — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:00:29 GMT

it's importance to set rules ( players like rules ) and also issued them Players code of conduct.

Respect for the Laws of the Game and competition rules:

Playing for the team, and for the team to win, is the most fundamental part of the game. But not winning at any cost. Fair Play, good sportsmanship and respect for all others in the game are fundamentally important.

1. Knowing and play according to the Laws, competition rules within the spirit of the game.

2. Fair play. Be fair always no matter what the cost.

3. Not bully or take an unfair advantage of another competitor. .

4. Tackles can be tenacious but never unsporting.

5. Do not commit intentional fouls or charge in a violent or dangerous manner.

Respect towards Opponents:
1. Believe in the honesty of your opponent. Respect your opponents as player and as

people in the game regardless of race, religion, ability and the outcome of the game.

2. Treat other teams as new friends, you’ll be playing them again one day!

3. Not to deliberately try to foul an opponent with the intent to injure them or gain an

advantage. Safe guard the physical fitness of opponents, avoid violence and rough play, and help injured opponents.

4. No hitting, no retaliate if fouled by an opponent with the intent to injure them or gain an advantage.

5. Not to use “trash talk” or “dirty trick” with the intention of annoying or intimidating an

opponent.

6. Win or lose, shake hands with the opposing team and congratulate them on a game well played!

Respect towards the Match Officials: (Referee, linesman and fourth official)
1. Show due respect towards Match Officials.

2. The referees are in charge of the game. Only the captain and vice captain of the team shall address the referees and then shall do so only in a courtesy manner.

3. Never show your frustration towards the Match Officials. Respect and accept the decision of the Match Official with good grace, without protest, gesture or argument, and recognize that those people are there primarily for the benefit of the players and are making their best efforts to see that the games are played according to the rules. They’re there to help and they can make mistakes just like you and the team.

4. Avoid words or actions which may mislead a Match Official.

5. Not to use foul or abusive language.

6. Win or lose, shake hands with the match officials and thank them for the game!

Respect towards Team Officials:
1. Show due respect towards the coaches, team Officials and helpers.

2. Follow the instructions of the Coaches and Team officials. Accept the decision of the officials with good grace

Discipline:

Discipline is a primary key to the success of any team or individual athlete.

The main purpose in organize and setting team rules is to create a safe environment where everyone can practice and play without unnecessary behavior problems, and maintain a functional, cohesive and unified team.

1. Players commit all training session unless they are sick or injured or have received permission from the coach well in advance to attend another function,

2. Be on time and prepared for all practices and games. (Punctuality)

If possible, be 15 minutes early for practices. Don’t forget your water bottle!

3. Be mentally, physically prepared, ready to give 100% from the beginning to the end of practices and games. Make every effort to improve skill. Remember, the way you practice is the way you will play your games.

4. Wear proper attires, look and act like a footballer. You will not be allowed to practice if you are not dressed for practice.

5. If you bring bags or expensive items, be sure you put a visible mark on everything you own. You are responsible for your own belongings.

6. Give coach prior notice if players are absent or late for any team activity. Players who stay after school to finish tests or school work with a teacher must bring a written note from that teacher, indicating the time spent in the classroom. No verbal excuses will be accepted for absent or late. (Making excuses for being late or not coming to practices does not help develop trust between coaches and players. Be honest and do your best)

7. Coaches must be informed of any physical injuries or sickness, past medical condition, or changes in medical condition that can affect the player or other player’s ability to safely practice or play in games. (For instance, players who occasionally need the assistance of an inhaler must inform the coaches of the condition and of the location of the inhaler)

8. Once practice or game begins, every player is expected to act in a disciplined, soccer-focused manner. Players are expected to listen very carefully to coaches for instructions. When coaches speak, players listen!

9. Players are expected to cooperate with Coaches and teammates, play according to instruction in practices and games and encourage others to do the same.

10. The Coach may ask individual, group or team players to help the team duties, player must follow team duties. Never challenge the coach at all times.

11. Accepting constructive coaching / criticism in order to improve the abilities as a soccer player. Coaches will often give individual instruction to a player, or occasionally scold a player for some reason. In these situations, the player is expected to acknowledge the instruction, and attempt to change his behavior or actions in a positive manner. Any “negative” reactions to these situations will not be tolerated.

12. Never leave the field or session without the permission of the coach. Disregard any instruction of the coach.

13. No hitting or retaliate if foul by a teammate, talk to coach about your difficulties.

14. Not use of inappropriate and vulgarity languages on and off the field. These actions do not show sportsmanship.

15. Discourage criticism and sarcasm, never speak ill (never Condemn) of follow players, team members.

16. Avoid the formation of cliques. Players’ union will damage team’s cohesion and function. These actions will not be tolerated.

17. Stay hygienic. Clean your own boots and soccer equipments. Keep your things neat and tidy

Any or repeat violations of the above guideline will be subject to disciplinary action. Accept responsibility for your actions.

Disciplines are important aspects of participation in Soccer. All players, coaches and family members are expected to act accordingly at all times, do not waste your time or your teammates’ time bending or challenging the rules, this is as bad as breaking the rules.

At all times, (practices and games) players are expected to show self-control and discipline. Be honest and do your best.

RE: Now my kids have gone the other way!

steven — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 07:48:05 GMT

it's your responsibility to educate your player the value of soccer such as sportsmanship, self control, discipline, team work, etc. but not just focus on competitive elements.

also set up players conduct in the game.

Now my kids have gone the other way!

davey18 — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:13:41 GMT

Augghhh! After working so hard to preach a happy middle ground between being reasonably aggressive all season. After the bloodbath that I've mentioned in a previous post now my kids are now divided between too passive or now too aggressive a fist fight was started by one of mine after he deemed a poorly attempted slide tackle as an attempt to hurt and came out swinging. Now he faces a two game ban.

Another player of mine carried out an assault after a harmless jersey tug! Another one gone! Now I'm down to a 7 child team! After losing 1 to a leg break and 2 to pulling their kids from the game altogether after getting pyshically abused last game. Getting reasonsible aggressiveness back from timidity is relatively easy but getting the other end of the spectrum is another thing altogether.

Please help