Better Soccer Coaching / Better Soccer Coaching / The Dug-Out / You're the coach and your son's in the team / Latest Posts

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

Big Mike — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 09:31:25 GMT

Hows this then

Betley u10s - Coach & asst man - me son plays / Manager jonathon whose son plays/Ast man dunc whose son plays

Because there are 3 of us effectively running the team it works v well as there will always be an outcome if we have to vote on a decision.

I used to hate coaching my own son but since completing fa level 1 & 2 the problems have ceased because training sessions are a lot more fun & they are actually now learning something.The other two have also passed level 1

We have subbed all players rotated fairly etc but certainly for the last 2 seasons my own son hasnt had fair treatment as i always offer him asthe sacrificial lamb to avoid parents saying "our sons" are getting preferential treatment.

In sept we go to 7v7 & although we will be fair my own son will not be the first to be subbed or rotated.(not this time)

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

Noel — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:11:49 GMT

I think you might be creating a problem for yourself having 2 awards for the same thing just to take the pressure off yourself and your son.

Why not have the parents choose the most improved? Doesn't matter who gets it then as they have picked it not you. I did that this year and nearly all of the parents expressed how difficult it was to choose. Too right it is but with their appreciation of the difficult task I didn't get any comments over who won the other awards picked by myself and the players.

We have 3 awards and get the players and parents to vote for 3 players awarding points for all votes but more for first than 2nd and 3rd.

Before voting began though we did have 3 players who had stood out from all the rest and as it happened all 3 got one of these awards. We'd also decided that if a player had finished top in 2 of the votes then we'd ensure the 2nd best got it to ensure an even spread of awards.

Another team at our club gave 2 awards to one player for managers player of the year and players player of the year. The players had voted him in first place. The mangers clearly considered him to be the best player but could not agree on a second place player. In the players player of the year award the 2nd placed player was the managers son so in my opinion it would have been logical to award the managers player of the year to the first choice and the players player of the year to their 2nd choice. (votes are not public knowledge by the way). As this player was the managers son, they awarded 2 trophies to one player.

I just find this a totally bizarre situation. If my son gets voted for an award or if I consider him to be player of the year then he will get what he deserves.

The same confidence that a manager needs to select a team and leave some players out needs to be there at awards time.

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

JimW13UK — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 12:37:40 GMT

I have just took over my sons team after being the assistant manager for 2 seasons. I find I am harder on him than anyone else in the team and I feel guilty about it. I have a problem in that the previous manager decided on the awards for the end of season and he was giving my son the most improved player award. Now I am totally with him on that and want him to have the award but as Its me handing them out its going to look odd. So i've now decided to award 2 most improved player awards just so i can take the limelight away from my son.

The other problem I have is he is one of our strikers and by far the most naturally gifted player in the team so I should be proud but I'm always looking for reasons to criticise in front of other parents/players just to make them fell like i'm not biased - which i'm not

Unfair really on our sons as we should be celebrating with them and being proud of their achievments

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

Frankie — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 21:13:07 GMT

Hi all

I have found that my son has come on stronger being the managers son, as I have explained to him he needs to justify his place a little more than the others, but he still suffers being substituted more than others.

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

Noel — Tue, 29 May 2007 09:29:54 GMT

I too coach my son but don't have your problem as he is way behind everyone else in footballing stakes. What I do do though is set my stall out early in the season as to how the end of season awards will be handed out. We have 3 awards, players player, most improved and player of the season. Players obviously vote for the players player. I get the parents to vote for the most improved and I choose the player of the year. I do it on a points system. 2 points for every training session attended and 2 points for every match attended. I then pick 3 star performers on matchday and award the best 6pts, 2nd 4 pts and 3rd 2 pts. Over the season, the top points is the most consistent performer and they get the award irrelevant of who it is.

RE: You're the coach and your son's in the team

Nick — Mon, 28 May 2007 15:04:57 GMT

Hi,

Well i dont currently have this problem but when i used to play for my dad's team he had the same worry.

I think it is more important that the kids understand the situation rather than worrying what the parents think as they should be judging your child by how well he/she is doing just like they would with the rest.

As long as the rest of the team can see that you arent favouring your child and maybe you can point this out at the start of the season that they will play an even amount of games. Its better not to sacrifice your child because you may worry what a parent thinks at the end of the year as during the season it will affect your childs confidence and love of the game.

It wasnt so bad in my situation because i was a goalkeeper and the 2 keepers had game about, but i personally felt bad because i knew it wasnt because i was playing bad that i was dropped.

You're the coach and your son's in the team

SCW Editor — Mon, 28 May 2007 12:37:48 GMT

When I first started coaching many moons ago I used to find it a real problem having my own son in the team. Out of fear of favouritism I used to take my son off and substitute him when others clearly should have been the ones to go. The team suffered from my lack of experience in how to deal with the situation. Over the years I have forgotten just how hard it was at first, especially because my son is a striker, the most sought after position in the team.

It all came flooding back to me last week when i had to order the end of season trophies. My son has scored 25 goals in 12 games double the amount any one else has scored, but when i saw the size of the leading goal scorer trophy all the other teams award I baulked at ordering it and considered ordering a much smaller one so it made less of a show on medals day.

In the end i have ordered the large one but I am still uncomfortable with presenting it. My thoughts are that it is a great honour for his skills and something I should not stand in the way of. He will have the trophy forever. But I know what the parents in the bar will be saying afterwards.

How are the rest of you dealing with sons/daughters in your teams?